Daily Journal – May 17, 2017

This is my 54th journal.

Today is a really upsetting day for me. It’s just unbelievable that despite me coming from a Java background, having maintained or use multiple Java web applications in my career I still struggled with Http session and trying to implement it at the most basic level. At times like this, I feel like I actually known nothing at all. Yes, I’m beating myself. I’m angry at myself.

Well, the truth is, I hadn’t been comprehending things ever since I finished my national service. With the rise of smartphones, distractions suddenly become the norm. I was busy following the shiniest new thing that is in the tech world but never truly reading them up. Then I lost touch with my base. So it’s my fault, really, for what happened today. Then for some reason my stress level crept up and affected my ability to think straight, preventing me from finding the answers that truly matters. In the end, I manage to implement a simple user authentication with Java servlets, database and AJAX. But after the constant nagging by my boss for the past few months about thinking operationally, 5% more, etc, now I’m always doubting what I implemented now. I lost faith in my deliverables. So I’m already bracing for the fact that I will get another scolding from him for possibly missing out things again or implementing the wrong thing again or choosing the wrong way.

Anyway, I find myself losing patience with my colleague also. Somehow, as a front-end developer, he still have trouble with ensuring consistency of the user interface, checking of spelling mistakes, and the javascript that he wrote is in a total mess. I have to clean it up. Looks like it will be another late night for me just to integrate what he has done into the backend services that I implemented.

On the other hand, he has been working late nights for the past few days to deliver what I asked. I do acknowledge that. At least he’s hard-working.

There’s one more thing I find irritating and disgusting is the fact that he smokes. The smell of his breath is just so pungent that I choked and can’t stop coughing. I just can’t stand it. But who am I to stop him from smoking? And I don’t really want to sound rude by telling him not to come close me after he smoked. Sigh…

Anyway, off I go to do my work.

Here I conclude my journal for today.