This is my 81st journal.
At first, I wasn’t sure what I want to write for today. Then talking to a friend of mine gave me an inspiration of how to start and how to end. So here it goes.
In terms of work, I have reached a point where I’m just dragging myself to work. I’m not really enjoying myself anymore. I no longer believe in the mission or end goal.
But then, this job, it brought me on a journey where I discover a lot more about myself, got me started on a path where I will proceed to fix issues instead of whining about it. Yes, it did cause me to suffer depression, insomnia. But I see it as part of the process to get me out of the comfort zone. And now I finally have an answer as to some of the problems that I have faced.
Then I also realized that I’m actually a more passive person. I lack the kind of attitude and endurance to work in a flat-organization. I guess I’m probably someone who prefers someone to lead me and dictate to me what to do next. There should be more layers between me and upper management.
Or, maybe what I mentioned earlier is just an excuse. Maybe I’m self-driven only when I’m doing something that I myself believe in and not in someone else’s mission or goal.
Either way, there is nothing wrong with either scenario. I suppose, it’s all about just going with the flow and see what works.
Also, I do know that I dabble in a lot of things, have such a wide spread interest that I don’t fit into the mold that most people in Singapore expects. It can be either climbing the corporate ladder or specialization. But I do know that dabbling makes me happy and I should embrace that. Once I’m very comfortable with it, everything will fall into place.
So with that, I shall try and get some sleep. I suppose I will be dragging myself to work again tomorrow.
Here I conclude my journal for today.