Journal #152 – Second Day of New Job

This is my second day. On the Sunday night, I had maybe an anxiety attack that caused me not able to sleep. So I went to work without sleep. It caught up to me yesterday and with the fact that I’m sick, I went to bed early.

Woke up at 0630hrs on the Tuesday morning and I still feel like crap. This is problematic. I mean I haven’t even start working on the actual tasks I already had one sleepless night? argh But I know now that I shouldn’t even drink coffee even if I’m tired because of my gastritis. Something should be fixed first.

Anyway, I am very unsure what drives me anymore. I don’t feel particularly interested in my new job. Programming on a new language, Dot NET, doesn’t excite me. The project overview, the managers tried to make it sound very exciting and important but I don’t feel it.

I don’t know if it’s because of a stance I’m taking? And if you want wondering what stance I’m referring to, it is the one where I saw this as a job to pay the bills, nothing more, nothing less…

Well, I wrote the first few paragraphs on my phone in the morning before I went to work. In the next few paragraphs, I wrote them after work. Maybe you can see some transition in my writing tone…

At work, I didn’t enjoy myself. Not one fucking bit. Yeah, I could understand the big picture, my tasks, and I could even extract out the various software design patterns, etc. But I couldn’t even bring myself start writing my first line of code. argh

I was also relying on my phone to do a lot of googling for information.

For much of the day, I just kept dozing off. Maybe it’s because of the medicine I took for my flu brought on by sore throat. Or maybe I am just disinterested.

I left the office at about 1815hrs, and went to Jurong Point. Got some toiletries, antacids, and probiotics before I took the bus home. On the way, I’m just completely overwhelmed by sheer tiredness and dozed off. Didn’t really have any appetite for food too. So for dinner, I just ate a little bit of every dish and a quarter bowl of rice and that’s it.

Right now?

I’m just fucking sleepy.