Journal #154 – Enough!

I’m someone who feels emotions intensely.

If you ask a really close friend of mine, whom I call C, knew that. Other than my friend, B, C knew me the longest and quite a lot of things about me.

Now… I’m just barely holding it together. So please forgive me for the outbursts. I need to let it out.

Here it goes.

My parents tell me the same thing.

My friends tell me the same thing.

“Just work through it.”

“Focus on the actual goal.”

“I need to adapt.”

Before you say anything else, I even tried to tell myself the same thing. Every morning. Every night. Even during the day. Even now I tried to tell myself, “end goal. Money.”

Guess what?

It didn’t work!

Do you even get it?

Maybe you don’t. Maybe you do. I don’t know!

In the asian culture, there is no such thing as depression. There is no such thing as burn out. There is only work. Money. And more work. Because our parents have done it. We are supposed to repeat.

I only have this to say.

FUCK YOU! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

I’m not sure if that outburst help with my mood or emotions. I’m too exhausted to process it further.

Let’s just go with tomorrow will be a nice day!

One last thing, I only have so much energy. I am not you. Not him. Not her. You don’t walk my path. You don’t experience life through the exact lenses that I do. Spending 9.5 hours at a single place is just plain soul sucking and make me extremely exhausted at the end of the day.

Struggling to write my journal. My brain juices are all gone. Even my days at my first company, despite working from 0830hrs to 1830hrs, didn’t tire me out so much.

Do you see now what’s going? I’m just utterly burn out already. No amount of minimalism and forced meditation is going to help if I keep subjecting myself to the same “abuse” every day.

Argh, I’m calling it a night. I will just repeat tomorrow just like I am required to.