Journal #161 – Balance Pragmatism and Idealism

Life would be so much better if everything is actually ideal, meaning you get what you want when you want and how you want it. But life isn’t full of ideal situations. So there are times when you actually need to be practical, pragmatic in your approach to life.

For me, I am someone who want to be able to do whatever whenever I feel like it. I will be excited to want to try and do something without much thoughts into how I might achieve it. That’s me being idealistic.

For example, I wanted to be a full-time writer and having a part-time job.

At first, I will be willing to quit my full time job at the slightest of discomfort or unhappiness. But after a few days, the emotions died down and then I start to realize it was a stupid plan. The me who craves stability and safety took over and be the one driving all my actions. Plans will be put in place.

I kept the desire to to be a full-time writer as a long term goal but there has to be a decent plan to achieve certain level of competency and freedom especially in areas such as financial before I can quit my full-time job. I also need to decide what kind of full-time writing I want to do. I do know I enjoy fiction writing but is it enough? What are the other things that I could try? I ask myself questions like: Do I want to be a technical writer? Do I want to be a journalist? If I am a journalist, what would I like to cover? How good are my research skills?

Turns out I don’t have any decent answer for any of the above questions. There are also questions when when it comes to part-time job.

I also start to think about what I want to be doing? Am I willing to do something I know I will feel extremely stressful doing? Like customer service?

I also didn’t quite have a decent answer.

Other than finding answers to those questions, I also recognize that if I don’t work as a journalist or a technical writer, how would I know if I like it or not. Yet, companies in Singapore requires someone with at least 1 year of experience doing such writing before even considering you and not all of them has internship positions.

So how do I achieve competency?

A possible way would be to undergo a formal education so that I get some sort of certification. I actually went to search for courses and found some. However they need money. Money that I don’t have right now. Yes, I do have some emergency funds but that doesn’t mean I want to spend them for such thing. This is how I decided that my current full time job is really the best way for me to acquire those funds. Only after I reached a certain level of competency, would I go and do a proper career change.

There is a parallel way that I’m taking. This way is all about me showing up consistently and keep doing whatever I am doing now. That means, I will put daily journal up. But I know that isn’t enough. I know I need to start churning out more and more content. But what kind of content other than my journal that I should be putting out? I thought of fictional content like short story is a good start.

The funny thing is, I forgotten that I had already made a plan to show up consistently over the past two weeks. My emotions were in turmoil and I was trying to adapt to working in a corporate environment. I have in fact put on my calendar that I will publish one short story every month on the 15th last month.

Well, the 15th is fast approaching and honestly, I haven even thought of a decent story to write and the deadline that I set for myself is fast approaching. But I will figure out something.

If you someone like me who is always moved or affected by emotions, learn not to take any drastic action just yet. Wait it out and see if you will figure out a decent plan. You really just had to work through the shit and getting your hands dirty before you can get what you want.

I hope this can be of a great help.