Journal #170 – Writer’s Block and Disappointment

If you are not careful, you will suffer from writer’s block or worse, burnout. I have suffered from enough burnouts at work that I know how counterproductive it can be. Yet I keep ending up in that situation.

Why?

Because I want to do better today than what I did yesterday. I want to put out better stuff. Then I went about forcing myself to put out better stuff, everyday and thinking about how do it almost every other hour.

So now I faced an issue where I don’t know what to write any more. Nothing comes to mind. I didn’t have any more inspiration until I went to read an article about not knowing what to write. That spurred me to write this specific entry.

Now I know why I don’t know what to write anymore.

There are multiple reasons.

First is my day job, which is full time (8.30am to 6pm) and is a software development role. Due to its’ nature, it is mentally taxing till the point where I don’t have any more brain juices to do any decent writing. I ran out of inspiration.

Second is the constant forcing. It creates a subconscious stress and prevents my brain from doing its best work.

How do I fix it? I know how. But I know part of the solution is not possible because of how I am bounded by the contract, especially for the first reason.

And so what’s the solution, you may ask.

It’s very simple. Work part-time, go out more to interact with more people. By interacting, you get inspirations and that’s how you can write better.

Am I practicing it? I tried to and is trying. But it is not easy. I’d actually love to go out with friends more on weekends, listening to them, and talking to them.

To fix the second problem, it’s really simple and easy. Because it’s all internal and there is no external factor, I can control it. I need to practice letting it go, and not attempt to write a thousand word entry just because I wrote a thousand word entry yesterday or the day before. I need to be ok with just putting out an entry with a single word or a single sentence. Hell, maybe even a single character.

There may be more reasons but those two are the most obvious ones that popped out at me.

I also need to learn to be content even with failures. I need to learn to accept disappointment.

Why I say that?

Well, I do keep a close watch on the view and visitor counts of my blog. 21 Sept 2017 was a particularly sad day for me. There was no view, no visitor. Even at the lowest viewer/visitor count over the past month, the number was 1.

I got depressed wondering whether it was because of content of particular day’s entry. I know I didn’t write any world changing or life changing entry. I know I didn’t write anything about the popular topics of these past few years. Anyway, at the end of that, what I know is my mood just spiral out of control from there.

But the truth is, it doesn’t matter. Stats don’t matter. What do matter? It is me putting out content for me just because I enjoy the writing process. I did end up writing an entry for the 22 Sept 2017 and do my weekly tech news roundup. I have to be ok with no reader at all because you don’t win everyday. It’s a constant, work in progress everyday. And if there is even one reader, you have my greatest thanks from the bottom of my heart.