Journal #228 – Pained

Pained.

It’s what I have been experiencing much of yesterday and today.

It’s not just physical pain.

It’s mental too.

Depression man, it just hit me again.

How I know?

I felt my energy completely drained. I have no desire to do anything physical. I’m tired the whole day despite sleeping as much as I could. I get so irritable that I decided to just not talk too much if not I will say something wrong. That was yesterday.

So I wrote a poem about it. I tried my best to write one. And I can’t remember when was the last time I wrote one.

And today?

It’s the same.

Pained.

I spent most of my time binge watching all the tv series that I missed over the week while enduring the pain in my neck and back, which by the way caused dizziness and general discomfort. Half of that binge watching session was spent on my bed instead of my chair.

Then it reached a point where I had enough. So I took a nap that lasted 2 hours.

I still didn’t feel so good.

Pained.

I went for a short run. 3km to be exact. Felt slightly better.

Although my physical pain has subsided, I still feel lack of energy, general lack fo desire to do anything except binge watching shows or play games or just lay in bed.

Well, I’m not a medical person so I can’t determine what’s wrong with me completely. But I do know one thing. I have always undergone periods of depressive episodes since I was around 15. And recently, I blame it on my neuroticism but personally, I don’t think it’s that simple. There could be something more fundamentally wrong. So I will pay a visit to the psychiatrist again.