Journal #256 – My mood was utterly shattered, in recovery

What happened?

I skipped one day of journaling because I lost the desire to write any journal. I let these following articles about writing affect me, eat me up:

  1. 8 Reasons No One is Reading Your Medium Articles
  2. How I Went From Zero To 200,000 Views My First 30 Days On Medium

After reading the above articles, I felt compelled to grow my audience further but not through personal journaling. I mean, who the hell want to read my life story? I’m a nobody. My writings should be more useful to the rest of the world. And I’m sure every writer ever lived want a big audience whom they can show their work to.

So I went and try to write an article with less “I” and more “you” or other third-person pronouns, talking about how a company shouldn’t rely on a specific Not effective way to build product.

I don’t know how well it will do because I don’t write that kind of articles often. A big part of me continues to doubt whether I had wrote something useful. I never saw myself as a true entrepreneur but rather someone with a strong leaning towards entrepreneurship and so, never felt that I have the right kind of experience to back up whatever I write about. I only have my thoughts, my feelings, and whatever I have experience.

If you are wondering about the authenticity of that article… it is the truth of what happened at work.

A previous article I wrote about No one cares about your personal journal also didn’t do that particularly well.

How I know?

I keep a close tab on the site stats, and I’ll admit I do get a bit obsessive about those numbers. After all, I grew up in an environment where the score or grade you got for your test or examination defines your success level, and still living in such kind of environment where the amount salary you got monthly defines your success level. Stats become something I rely on to define my success, more than I care to admit publicly. So the pummeling views and number of visitors to my blog definitely affected me in a very big way. I keep wondering what have I done wrong this time and desperately wanted to fix the situation. I have been trying to fix the “situation” for the last few months.

Then late last night, I went, “oh fuck this.” That’s why there is no tech news roundup posted.

What did I do?

I decided to be consistent at the very least, and post up the tech news roundup. Even though it took me longer than usual to prepare, I got it out. I just can’t let my “depressive” moment stop me.

After that, I decided to take a nap and let everything simmer down further. After waking up, thinking hard again why I am writing this blog and who are my audiences, I sat down and write this journal. I just had to document down what I went through.

What is the purpose of a personal journal again?

I write public personal journals because I want to document my growth, document my vulnerabilities, and my daily life including my thoughts and how I see things. Two, it is to at least leave behind a footprint on the internet, saying, “Hey, I’m here.”

Who are my audience?

The primary audiences are me and a few friends who chose to read. Occasionally, there will be a few readers from around the world reading the entries, liking them.

And I have to accept that it’s more than good enough. At the very least, there’s someone reading.

Where do I go from here?

I will still write personal journal daily. It will remain as the main feature of my blog. So does those news roundups because I do enjoy reading those news and want to share them.

I will also write the odd third-person style articles like those you can find at

Reviews of things that I buy, use, eat, or watched will also be around.

Last but not least, I will also post up short stories whenever I write some. Maybe even a proper novel, if and when I can get down to do the work. You may also get the occasional poetry if I feel like I can write something decent.

Anything else on my mind?

I’m a writer of different sorts too. I write programs. I’m a software developer. I do UX writing whenever I get the chance at work because I am involve in front-end development. I write documents too. I am going for a two-day technical writing course because I also want to learn how to translate technical stuff to something users can read and understand.


I’m a writer. Period.


P.S.: If you are wondering why are there headers in my journals, it’s something I chose to add, to segment my writing. Something that I borrow from writing third-person view articles.