Journal #322

I chose to create a brand new poem yesterday instead of writing a journal, which is a form of documenting.

It’s all about how far can I push myself to create something despite having insufficient sleep the day before, worked in a high-pressure manner in my day job, had gastric issues after skipping snack time due to work, spent energy writing my novelette, and relied on late night coffee.

All I can say is, it’s hard and painful.

Right now, I’m on the verge of burning out.

Not just for my personal projects.

I am burnout from the act of programming. I’m starting to hate programming in general. How I know? I’m finding myself disengaged from my work and rather do other things.

Anyway, the late night coffee caused me to sleep pretty late. I only found myself truly sleeping at around 5am in the morning and waiting up at 6.50am despite having gone to bed at about 2am. I put in only a couple hundred of words last night for my novelette and did spend sometime editing earlier paragraphs. I won’t call that anywhere close to productive but at least I did something.

This morning, I went down to the customer’s office and help them setup a brand new machine with the application. One of their staff got involved in the testing and gave some feedback. I was kind of surprise I have not crash and burn yet from the decreasing amount of sleep I’m getting and still engaged the customer.

After lunch, well, that’s when things start going down hill. I spent an hour napping at work and even after waking up I couldn’t do much. This was related to the earlier point I made about burning. I have already noticed it for a quite some time already and just could not find any more energy or desire to write codes.

When I got home, I went for a one and a half hour nap after a shower. I only start having dinner when it was close to 9pm. Now an hour later, I’m feeling hungry actually. It was almost like I didn’t eat.

My question to myself is: What the hell is wrong with me?

I guess I won’t be putting up the science news roundup today or spending time to write the story. Instead, I will turn in early. And I know what some people might think. Shouldn’t you wait four hours before sleeping? Well, I’m just too exhausted to wait.

I will see if I can pick it up tomorrow morning before I go to work. I just will let my MacBook sleep instead of shutting it down for a faster turn around.  And if it comes down to it, I will take sick day off tomorrow.