You know what’s hard?
It’s trying to navigate through the day with mild sleep deprivation, have a general lower energy level than average people, and general discontentment. That combination pulls you down and destroys your desire to do anything. You simply don’t have the mental capacity to think critically.
And that’s why my Daily Logs are published the next day after I wake up. It’s so that I have slightly fresher mind to edit the content. But the log is written on the day itself so that I don’t forget stuff.
Yesterday morning, I woke up only after my phone’s alarm went off. I was just exhausted that I had to stumble off my bed. The first thing I did was to check my phone only to see a whole bunch of emails notifications.
The notifications were for emails sent by WordPress telling me who liked my content. With that in mind, I want to use this chance to thank everyone who read and liked the stuff I published. It means a lot to me and brighten my day.
Anyway, I brought my MacBook out to the kitchen so that I could eat my breakfast while editing the Daily Log from the day before yesterday. Yeah, this is what I do ever since I published the first Daily Log.
I also took the chance to look through the novel I wrote and found that I don’t have the motivation to edit it further. I also hadn’t been contributing any words to that novel for almost a week now. I still want to finish it but I couldn’t get into the flow but my energy levels were completely gone. Sounds like excuses, doesn’t it? Heh. Looks like I really need to audit my life again and change my schedule.
This is what I’m thinking. I need to go to bed early and waking up earlier to devote the morning to writing like some of the other writers do. After all, it is the time of the day when you aren’t drained by work stuff and you get all the peace and quiet needed to do your best work. As for the lower energy levels, I should also go for an early morning run first before writing. I suppose I will look into putting it into action next weeks onwards.
When I arrived in office, I was feeling like crap. It only got better after the caffeine kicked in and that’s when I started doing my work… Come to think of it, I can’t even remember exactly what I did. I can’t believe it’s that uneventful. Oh my gosh! What did I get myself into?
When it’s time for lunch, I actually sat with the colleagues in my cubicle whom I shall name YL and CF. Oh yeah! I don’t know whether it’s coincidence or what but we got our food faster than the rest. Throughout the lunch, I didn’t really engage with the other colleagues and my team lead was seated like one chair away. After that, I actually went to the NTUC supermarket to get some milk as snack.
It turns out drinking milk is the best way to manage excessive acid production. So for those who are also struggling with excessive acid, you could try it. But I don’t think I should keep drinking milk all day. It’s unhealthy and possibly dangerous. I need to find other solutions… Oh, ginger tea helps also to minimize the effect. That’s how I survive through my morning with the constant rumbling.
In the afternoon, my team lead and I were walking towards the pantry when he mentioned that I have become quieter than usual. I brushed off the comment and responded along the lines of, “I’m writing a whole bunch of stuff and preferred to keep quiet so that I can focus on my thoughts.” I knew it was a bullshit response but I didn’t really want to talk about the real issue underneath.
And the real issue is? I’ve become disgruntled with the project and the whole team. This is what happens when you could no longer convince yourself of the work you are doing is meaningful and you feel that the situation is going to change anyway.
Now of course my team lead replied that I could share some of my work with the team. I just kept quiet.
The work in the afternoon was more memorable. I realized I have implemented something wrongly and have been calling the wrong functions because I didn’t quite understand the codes my colleague wrote. It was spaghetti and rely excessively on class-level variables. It’s something I try to avoid these days when I write codes unless I’m working with actual business models. So I spent sometime fixing it and got it working as intended.
The other thing also pop up. YL found some issue with the codes written by the other colleague whom I shall call XX. It was confusing and the variable types have been changed without warning. The constant values used were not application specific enough yet generic enough. What I mean by that is there is no domain-specific values. What values XX used for the application we are developing are exactly the same as the third-party module we are integrating with. Now considering the application we are developing is a product, shouldn’t it use terms and values that are more inline with our domain? And she mentioned that she built products before. From where I sitting, it’s like whatever she’s doing shows she has no clue at all. Then she will keep insisting she’s right and keep telling you that you are completely wrong. Now, imagine you have to suffer this a few more times and you hear the same set of behavior directed at other colleagues in the room.
So now you have it: that’s one source of my dissatisfaction with XX…
Ok, I better stop there if not I will go off on a rant. I’m just too passionate about doing things right and not fast.
Anyway, you know the feeling you get after a long day of work and having done nothing meaningful? It makes you so exhausted that you didn’t want to do anything else? That’s what happened to me. So I just went and took a nap after a shower while my mom and sister went out to get dinner.
I went to watch three more episodes of Dragons: Race to the Edge on Netflix after dinner before deciding to force myself to write this Daily Log…and that’s it for my day.
I’m just exhausted…
P.S. Woke up the next day (9-March-2018) and still feel like shit. I only managed to fall asleep at 3am…