Daily Log #16

I actually reached office at around 9.05am instead of my usual 8.50am and that was after I stopped by Starbucks to get a cup of earl grey tea.

For the tea, I ordered grande-sized and that meant there should only be 1 tea bag. Instead, what I got was two tea bags making the drink extremely thick and bitter. Personally I don’t mind because I do enjoy a very thick cup of tea, be it earl grey or green tea. Bitterness is good in the morning and it’s an acquired taste because of my constant drinking of pure Americanos.

Although I’m immensely grateful for the extra tea bag, the honest me just felt weird. After all, if I didn’t ask for it or pay for it, I just don’t feel I deserve it. That’s how I go about my life.

The work in the morning was all about testing and fixing minor issues. In the meantime, my colleagues were also busy trying to deploy a copy of the server and client to a desktop to test if it could work on a standalone system. I think users might not be able to login since in the actual standalone system, it won’t have AD access. Therefore, no kerberos authentication. When I built the authentication and authorization module, it was for AD authentication and didn’t have authentication mode that relies on application-specific password. It doesn’t even have password management because the specification didn’t ask for it. So I guess we will see how on Thursday.

Just shortly before lunch, YL and I did have a little chat by whispering. The topic of XX focused on only covering her ass came up.

In my previous jobs, when I work in a team on a project, we do go out of our way to tell each other what we are doing especially if the thing we are working on will affect everyone. We do the same in school projects too. For example, putting in test data into the database or bringing down the server temporarily.

But in this current job, this type of communication is missing, especially with XX. When something do go wrong or there is a potential bug related to her parts, she will be the first to stand up and shift the blame elsewhere or justify her actions. Most of the time the blame either lands on YL or me. I keep seeing the same shit over and over again. It reached a point where we just go like this in our minds, “Whatever. It’s always our fault. You are never at fault.” We still proceed to fix the issue. Between YL and I, we make an attempt to communicate what we do because we don’t want anything to break without warning especially since we work on the client side of things together. So there is a team within a team.

Hmmm… Writing the above three paragraphs out does make me look like a kid or someone who complain a lot but since this is a daily log, it fits. I think it’s important to dump that all out and clear the toxins from your body.

Well, I for one never like to be the one to initiate any argument because I don’t like it. I do get passionate about some stuff but if I have to go on and on, I just can’t. My thoughts will get jumble up. Arguments also stress me out and ruin my day. So I will just swallow whatever shit comes my way and when it does boils over, I will just quit and move on. It’s not a very mature or assertive way of dealing with the situation but I just prefer to be the nice guy rather than be an asshole or some sort. After all when one is angry, a lots of things can be said that can’t be taken back. I just didn’t want to go there.

When it was time for lunch, my colleague, YL, the intern and I went off to a nearby food court and didn’t even tell XX. It was our passive-aggressive way of saying, “we don’t want to eat with you.” In hindsight, it sounds immature, childish in fact, but it’s just not in us to directly confront anyone, that much we established during our in-office chitchats. So instead of create a mess in office, we went with that passive-aggressive manner. And both of us are actually looking for way out of the project and move on. We rather work with someone who is less “covering their ass” type.

For lunch, the intern and I decided to eat pepper lunch while YL wanted to eat vegetarian. I ordered a salmon pepper lunch with double meat and an egg. However, it didn’t last me beyond 4pm. My stomach was already growling and churning.

Anyway, after lunch, the intern and I decided to try another fruit store. On the way, we walked past an ice cream restaurant and I have this sudden urge to eat ice cream. So after I got my fruits and waited for the intern to get his juice, I got myself a cup of Chocolate Overload ice cream. For $5.40, I really love the taste and it definitely made me happy eating it. I think I kind of behave like a little kid.

In the afternoon, I actually went to do something I find interesting and that is implementing the functionality where users can manipulate the drawn selection boxes like those you see in Microsoft Paint. I have never worked on such problems before and I deployed a child-like approach to it. I just focus on trying stuff and letting it break. When I finally got the cursor to change, get the click registered, and get the line’s coordinates updated and redrawn in realtime, I’m just super happy. It’s an achievement for me.

I mentioned in the past, and still do, that I didn’t want to do software development anymore and I wanted to transit into full-time writing. Now, I can be clearer about what I mean. I still enjoy coding but only if it is hobbyist-type of project. I become really happy if I get to see the end result after I write some codes. What I don’t enjoy is writing codes as part of a project that has such a tight budget and deadline, and have to work with colleagues who focus more on “covering their asses”. I also don’t like to be taken away and be made to work on the non-creating aspect of a software project like configuration and deployment or do user-acceptance test.

I simply only prefer to just code or create stuff, even if I’m following an instructional manual like those of Lego or Ikea furniture to build something. Building is creating in my view.

And for hobbyist-style project, if it fails, it fails. I will just try again. There is this iteration process associated with creation that’s quite satisfying. Commercial software project don’t have such leeway. Typically the codes will be locked down once in production and further changes are subjected to review. Sometimes none of the changes are approved despite there is a good justification. It boils down to money, both short term and mid-term. Well, at least for me, I do care about the improvements that brings about emotional satisfaction.

When the clock struck 6pm, I simply packed up and leave. I just didn’t want to stay in office a minute longer than I have to. And when I’m home, I didn’t watch anything. Instead, I was busy deleting posts, comments, likes and advertisement interests from my Facebook account.

It was during this deletion process I came to realize one thing. Of the huge amount of stuffs I post on Facebook, some of them could easily be expanded further into articles. With that in mind, I copied those interesting posts into my Notes app and I intend to keep them for future reference. It also made me realize that my excessive use of Facebook has removed my long-form voice and made me weaker at articulating stuff. I also come across links to my previous wordpress entries that I have since deleted. The title of those entries reminded me that I actually do write opinion pieces and commentaries in the past.

Now I start to wonder just how far I have fallen from my writing days…

And with the current fiasco with Facebook involving Cambridge Analytica, I decided that I will not keep the account anymore after the end of the week. I will go through the stuff I have posted as much as I could, save whatever that is interesting and delete the rest. From there, I will then find the time to expand on those saved Facebook posts and write articles around those.

Until the next Daily Log…

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