Daily Log #18

Today I spent my time focused on getting the corner resize of boundary boxes to work at work but I keep hitting into problems because of my carelessness. Fixed some bugs my colleague XX claimed she found. I used the word claimed because those so called bugs were actually stuff we talked about and agreed on. But since I didn’t have official records of what was said, I couldn’t counter argue back. So fixing those was the only way.

Later in the afternoon, I spent some time going through with my team lead as he tested the application. There were a whole bunch of feedbacks that we will have to review again next week and start working on. I also told him that there were some stuff that I want to add in to the image editor I’m working on. Given the context of the image editor, I wanted to add zoom capabilities, auto-scaling of the image, and the use of click-and-hold to move the image within a viewport just like how you would on a touch screen device. He agreed to them all and next week I will add into JIRA for proofs that I am working.

This was the lesson I learnt. Despite all my misgivings about playing office politics, one still have to play it to even survive and not let people run all over you. I have always allowed that to happen because I didn’t want to be an asshole. But it doesn’t mean the others in your project team have the same approach. Some are either assholes or selfish. Some could be both.

Since I’m on colleagues who are assholes or selfish, I’m reminded of what happened later the the afternoon.

My colleagues, YL and XX, were asked to go with the subcontractors to the site to monitor the standalone application and help the subcontractors understand some stuff. During their time there, YL found XX to be doing the same redirecting of blame to everyone but herself. At least that’s what YL told me and texted me.

Here’s how it goes. The subcontractors found some issues or missing features that they think would be useful for them to do troubleshooting. But some of the issues raised weren’t even blamable because there was no requirements for those features mentioned earlier. Our team lead didn’t mention anything. But XX went like, “oh, I got pull in the data into the database that you need but the people at the frontend didn’t do.”

Upon reading that, I was like, “what the hell? Those features weren’t even requested in the first place!” At the very least, she could have deflected the issues raised. YL did that but XX went like, “that’s why team lead ask you to come here so you can put in the changes.”

And when it’s not our fault, it’s the subcontractor’s fault.

But since I’m meeting someone in the evening, I simply drop the whole thing and told YL we can talk about it next week.

One thing I do know for sure is, the next time I hear her doing this kind of blame shifting again, I’m not gonna be nice about it anymore. If that’s how she treat the rest of us, then she can work on the project all by herself.

Later in the evening, I met up with a female friend, Jas, whom I have not met in nearly 6 years. We spent all our time eating and talking and personally I think it’s the best outing ever. The long lull period since our last meeting only made the meet up even more treasurable and I deeply valued it. We had ramen for dinner and chatted for nearly an hour plus. We talked about our work, how we are doing in general, and some of the stuff we faced at work. Then we also shared some of our philosophies when it comes to work and the importance of self-awareness before we took our leave.

While I was paying for the meal, Jas asked one of the ramen stall’s staff to help us take a picture. Then we went over to the store that sell matcha ice cream nearby.

At the ice cream store, we chatted for another hour plus. Our chats covered things like our world view, which turns out to be somewhat similar. We also talked about relationships and why I’m still single. I also shared about my ability to talk about things that are dark and evil and how it translated into my writings. I shared about how one’s experiences in life affect their ability to write authentically and realistically. For example, if you are never in a relationship, you could never describe properly how it feels like. Everything would be imagined and when readers read your writings, it will feel like it’s fake or pretentious. It was a point she agreed with examples that she came across.

She also shared she had a very weird relationship with money. She need money but can’t seem to find herself asking for it. Some of the scenarios she described sounded exactly like mine. My approach to money is the same. But the learning lesson to be had was we have to know our self-worth and price accordingly no matter what service we provide. We can’t tied our self-worth to how we perceived the final output. Most of the time, we will find that we don’t worth much and that’s bad for our psyche.

We parted ways at around 10.50pm and I just remembered the trains were ending early. So I walked as fast as I could to the train station, boarded the last train out to another station before transferring to the last train there. I had to run doing that transfer because if I miss it, I will have to take a cab home.

I got home at around 11.45pm and I found myself brisk walking home. The rings on my Apple Watch just keep going and I actually felt so good about it.

The other thing was because of my lower intake of caffeine these days, my consumption of green tea latte in the morning and the matcha ice cream at night made me unable to sleep until like 4am. Even then it wasn’t a deep sleep because I found myself awake at around 6 pm judging from the light coming through my window. I went back to sleep and woke up again at 8am.