Daily Log #22

I will split this Daily Log into two parts.

The first part is about what I’m feeling now, March 28, 2018, and the second part is what happened yesterday. I didn’t really sit down and write before turning in for the night. So I will write based on what I remember.

Part 1

I have this weird feeling where I feel like I don’t really need a Daily Log anymore to document my life or the things I do. It’s like Daily Log is a training wheel for me into the world of non-fiction writing just like fan fiction is a training wheel for me into the world of fiction writing.

But you know what?

I’m not gonna stop writing my Daily Log at least for the foreseeable future. Yes, there would be days when I feel like shit, frustrated, depressed but Daily Log is an important asset for my writing. It provides me with actual written proofs of what I have done so that I can write better than articles in the future when I do go back and review them. As I get older, I will gain more experiences and perspectives that would allow me to distill my earlier writings into lessons learnt.

That is of course if I backup all my writings properly and don’t lose them. I did lose hundreds, if not thousands, of my writings because I went and delete them from my blog because I wanted to start from scratch again.

Now, I’m actually struggling with something. I’m not sure whatever I just wrote above is better suited for a Daily Log or a separate standalone article? I guess I will just keep it here. It did give me an inspiration for another article though.

Anyway, I figured out why I was having a writer’s block for my Daily Log yesterday. A big part of it was due to my frustration with myself mostly about what I’m doing with my writing. There was this intense internal turmoil that can’t seem to go away. I nearly wanted to flip my laptop off the desk. Lucky I didn’t…

I know I’m everywhere and that’s actually my intended direction I’m taking my writing. However, I am easily influenced by what I read about specializing and the stats of my writing. Yes, I still hadn’t really gotten over the stats.

Then another reason was because I didn’t have a good night sleep and it was in part affecting my ability to recollect and distill my experience.

I’m back now and feeling better…

Part 2

There were four notable incidents.

The first saw me feeling angsty and didn’t really want to talk. It was in part related to the day before. It turns out my gut knows something is wrong but my conscious mind didn’t know what it was until I went to chat with my friends.

The description I wrote for my Medium profile was actually inaccurate. It mentioned something about what I’m interested in and thus somewhat implied those are the topics I will be writing about. The truth is, I’m writing because I simply enjoy the process of sharing my thoughts and not the topics. By stating the topics I’m interested in, I’m actually indirectly narrowing myself which pretty much goes against who I am.

The second incident was getting pulled into a meeting that later became obvious it didn’t really have anything to do with me. But it was during the meeting that I started to see the whole picture. The whole project looks like a mess where things are running concurrently and the different leads are finding ways to solve some problems. Somewhat the people in the meeting organize themselves into three groups and started discussing within each group. I was just there listening to all three. It sounded like a wet market and I could feel it internally. The tension is building and I’m about to blow up. Luckily I get to leave the meeting when it became obvious I’m not needed there given how the discussion was going.

The third was my colleagues and I somehow found a way to work together once more to deliver something despite our misgiving. I think it’s because we managed to keep most of our interaction professional and not turn the whole office into a war zone. So there aren’t any bad taste in the mouth.

By the end of the day, I managed to finish implementing the move and resize functions for the rendered image selection boxes. After a quick demo to my team lead, he thank me for the job done. I started looking into how to implement click-drag using the mouse to move the image inside the viewport. The images user upload could be big in resolution but the viewport had to be kept small due to screen size constraint. To me, this will be an interesting challenge going forward.

That’s all for now, I will need to go to work.