Daily Log #55

When I have a panic attack or feeling very very anxious, my mind goes everywhere and never seem to be able to focus.

If I don’t bring myself back to neutral fast…physical symptoms appear.

My back and neck aches come back with a vengeance.

I feel extremely tired and don’t  feel like doing anything.

If that anxiousness continues…for another day or two… that’s when I have to call in sick because I just won’t be able to function anymore.

Well… something happened earlier today triggered what I mentioned above. The management decided to drop a bomb on all of us about a major, head of state type of event that required the use of the application we are building now.  An application that is primarily still in development mode. And it turns out, all my colleagues are going on paid vacations on that day. So I have to pick up everyone’s stuff within a week and get ready for the big event.  I have to support and fix issues should anything goes wrong from top to bottom of the software stack.

I don’t think I need to say more how I feel deep down…

And all I know now is I am somewhat jittery.

I hope I don’t suffer insomnia over the next few days leading to that event…

And I did promise myself one thing…

If I ever find myself not able to climb out and bring myself back to a neutral state of mind again because of work, I’m quitting.

Because to me, it just isn’t worth it.