Daily Log #57

I skipped several days of Daily Log because I was quite busy hanging out with friends and family gatherings. Friends and family are two of the most important things in my life. Therefore I will put them first whenever humanely possible.

On Friday night, I met up with my friends from secondary school for dinner and movie. We had dinner at Sushi Tei and Deadpool 2 for movie. During dinner, we caught up with each other on things like work and life. The good thing about not having Facebook is that I’m forced to talk to my friends and share stuff. I don’t check my phone anymore to distract myself.

During the catching up session, it turns out one of my friend love money so much that he is willing to survive on just painkillers with caffeine so that he can work non-stop for seven days straight without sleep. In exchange, he earn nearly $7000 at the end of the seven days after delivering on a project. And in the day? He had a day job that pays him $5000 per month.

All I can say is, that approach just isn’t worth it. Yes, the society and our economy is cold and pragmatic. Money runs the world. But what if you drop dead from that and don’t get a chance to spend that money? His excuse was that he’s still young and he won’t die now. However, there has been cases of people as young as 13 dying of heart failure in their sleep.

For me, I’m going on the other path. I will put in the hard work but never, never at the expense of my health. I take into account my sensitivities when I do anything. If it’s time to sleep or rest or drop work completely, I will do those instead. And whoever wants to ask me to work more, I will tell the person to fuck off nicely. As a highly-sensitive person, getting into a serious fight or argument with someone is just not in me. It’s stressful too.

On Saturday morning, I went to the bank to update the name of my account so that it is in sync with my identity card. Banks, being banks, are very sensitive and particular when it comes to personal information. One wrong letter here or a change of certain things means you can’t get money out.

I also took some time in the afternoon to play Cities Skylines and I still find myself dealing with negative income. I have to look again at how my city generate income and what’s consuming so much.

Later that day, my family and I went to grandma house for a gathering with other relatives. After dinner, some quick chat, have some fun with my cousins, my family and I went home at around 10pm.

Sunday morning is another outing with a friend to catch Deadpool 2 again. Then we had lunch at our usual spot. If you are wondering why? Well, I think I mention before. It’s never about the movie. It’s about the company. Simple stuff. Simple catchup.

On the work front, I found myself rather exhausted mentally. I have had bouts of depression every other weeks or two and I could see signs of burnout too. Because of that, I decided to pull myself out of doing certain things. I am applying minimalism to my work life.

You see, because of my background, I’m doing both backend and frontend development but it’s exhausting. So I told my team leader that I don’t want to work on the backend of the application, with the exception of the identity access module because that’s something I have ownership over and is good with. He agreed but only when they actually manage to get a new hire. And nobody knows when that will be. Thus far, my company hasn’t been successful in getting the right kind of people and have trouble finding the really good ones.

If you wonder why I don’t want to work on the backend anymore, well… I’m having trouble tolerating poorly designed and written code. I’m also having trouble accepting poorly named variables, database columns, and functions that doesn’t really capture the essence of the use case or the domain in my view. I know deep down, this isn’t just some CRUD application that we are working on. So seeing those stuffs just irritates me so much that I felt like I’m a gear in a system that keep finding my gear teeth caught in some weird cloths, preventing me from gripping on to other gears or rotating properly. It slows me down so much that I couldn’t write codes fast enough.

I have only myself to blame for not being adaptable enough. Or that I am no aligned with what the team’s objective with regard to this application and that is delivering functionality as fast as possible. I know those are valid concerns but at the same time, it’s just who I am for the intolerance. I care about long-term maintenance, code readability, modularity, and zero-ambiguity in implementation. There is also the desire for form, perfection, control, and a dash of OCD coming from my core personality. So, I’m not sorry for that.

Now you see why I also love Apple and their products.

And my apologies if my Daily Log seem a little incoherent or jumping around. At least that’s how I felt about it. My only excuse is that… I’m exhausted from the constant outing and work-related stresses. Still, I’m putting it up because why not.