Daily Log #67

I stayed up late and watched WWDC 2018. It was a good thing that Apple didn’t focus on new hardware at WWDC and instead talked about what’s new with iOS, watchOS, tvOS and macOS.

After watching it, I got to say I’m excited and can’t wait to use MacOS Mojave. And no, not for the dark theme. I got nothing against it but in my case, it strains my eyes more and I make more careless mistakes. Instead, I’m excited by the new continuity features, the dynamic wallpaper, and the enhanced privacy and security features.

As for iOS 12, I think the most interesting one is how they rethink about notifications and how it affects our lives. Then there is the performance focus which I can’t wait. Because of my sensitivities, I can pick up if the operating system is lagging or if an app isn’t performing in a responsive manner. That just grind my gears. So I can’t wait too. Oh, then there is the very useful Measure app that kind of remove the need for me to carry around a ruler.

The WatchOS also got some pretty cool updates that I can’t wait to use like the Walkie Talkie or the new intelligence behind the workout apps. I mean, when I go for a run, I need to manually activate the workout app and press start. If the app can detect that I’m running automatically and start tracking without any interference from me, it’s the best thing ever. However, I have to note that majority of my friends are on the android ecosystem and don’t wear smart watches, I do feel little left out…maybe I need new friends…

And the staying up late actually affect me so badly that I couldn’t really focus on doing my work. I do feel sick and I don’t even want to imagine that I have to do night shifts.

The reason for me saying that stemmed from the email I got today from my team lead. There has to be someone on standby from 10 to 14 June until midnight everyday. I for one simply can’t tolerate that kind of working arrangement and I will fall ill, burn out even faster. But I don’t know how to get a schedule that works for me without being unfair the everyone else.

With that in mind, I also went to review my employment contract again. It turns out, I am not eligible for any form of compensation if I have to work overtime or on weekend. Making things worse, if I reject any such work, they will penalize me by not giving me any bonus at all at the conclusion of my contract.

I was definitely stupid enough to sign that contract.

This is a lesson learnt. Don’t sign any contract when you are suffering from a depression. Your mind just don’t work the same way. If you really have to, find a friend or someone you trust to read it through for you.

After some whining on WhatsApp, my friend did ask me one question:

What do you treasure more?

Life or Job.

And you know what’s my answer?

Life.

I didn’t even have to think about it. I simply don’t want to make myself so miserable and sick. It’s not worth it…so I have to find a way to reject it and make it up another way.

Anyway, I also went to do some checklist for burnout. I checked most of the boxes if not all. In hindsight, what I have experienced at work will probably just roll off other people’s backs without doing any damage. I’m not other people. I’m me. I need to begin the process of recovery if not I will just crash and that include burning bridges. I don’t want to go there.

Ok. Thats all for now.