I tried to find purpose again or at least something that can get me excited again in my work as I didn’t really want to keep going into office, spend eight hours there and feel miserable. However, I still couldn’t find 100% of it. I still feel like whatever I’m doing is pretty much dead end.
And no, I have no intention of climbing up the ladder or expand my job scope because I don’t want to wear myself down any faster. What I’m doing is to try and find it within my existing workload and assigned tasks.
Ok, so it’s not 100% but I did find like maybe 50% of my purpose there. Or in another words, I can draw like 50% happiness from my work.
I can get obsessive compulsive about things like how codes should be self-documenting, functions should be precise yet modular, and the overall style be consistent throughout. So I will spend some time tweaking the existing codes. The end result tend to raise my mood a little. I do the same with new codes that I will be adding in.
The other thing would be analysis of use case and user behavior. I’m interested in how user use a system and how they see a piece of software. I want to understand the psychology behind their actions and choices. Only once I have that, I can build better software. The only problem is, my colleagues are all so disconnected from that and focus only on engineering their way out as and when problems are raised. They don’t ask those question first and discuss it up front. This mean whatever I’m doing is mostly solo work and that can get a little dissatisfactory because I know one person can’t see the full picture. I don’t have the kind of experience needed to make good judgment on a lot of things. What I wanted is a mentor but at my current company, you can only wish they have. It just doesn’t believe in the need for mentoring. To them, you are hired to do your job and they just throw you at your job. I could only wish that they adopt the apprenticeship style of work like those in German companies.
My team lead and I also had a discussion about why the JIRA system isn’t being updated properly by us. It created a situation where he doesn’t know what’s our progress and can’t schedule accordingly. Well, in part it’s my fault because I’m feeling lazy about it. The only excuse is that my development desktop is not connected to the internet due to sensitivities of the work and I have to use a separate laptop to access that system. I for one don’t enjoy switching machine to do different thing because it’s distracting and just plain irritating. It’s the same thing at home. I do almost everything excluding gaming on my MacBook. If the MacBook could allow me to play those really graphically and computationally intensive games, I would have gotten rid of my desktop.
We also had a discussion about what’s our work going to be like going forward. My team lead will try to push away all the unnecessary demonstration of our software because it’s taking up too much of our time. Time that could be spent on development. Another thing is that he want to re-organize the work distribution and allow me focus on the user experience aspect and the design aspect. At the end of it, it’s the one thing that I wanted to do at this stage of my development career.
Hell, there’s a lot of things that I wanted to do for diversity sake but if I am to keep doing programming at least for the next one year without burning out, the user experience is the best one because it allow me to apply several of my strengths to it.
After work, it was mostly just me sitting down in front of the laptop and focus on binge watching The Blacklist on Netflix. That last episode’s reveal of a shocking truth about Raymond Reddington was not what I expected. I have always assumed those bones belong to Elizabeth Keen’s mother and not expecting to be the real Raymond Reddington and her actual father. Now I think about it, I think it’s maybe that I didn’t keep track of all the hints the show have thrown out and I made a wrong assumption based on faulty information. Oh well… Now I can’t wait for Season 6.