Daily Log #102

Hot.

Hot.

It’s bloody hot.

And I meant the weather.

Even just sitting here with a fan blowing at me from the back, I’m sweating. Sweating in the evening, in my own room.

And before that, I was napping and found that I sweat in my sleep. Cause my body felt sticky.

This weather is one of the causes for my ongoing acne outbreak despite me having spent $7400 on acne scar treatment just three weeks ago. It feels like the treatment is wasted and making me mad.

Compounding the problem is my urticaria. Its triggers? Heat and carcinogens. Those two are what I have narrowed down, having lived ten years with it. So in this hot weather of Singapore, I’m having hives every hour or two. And carcinogens from my food is also giving me hives. Because I get them even in an air-conditioned room while trying to sleep.

And my body is ultra sensitive to carcinogens. They contribute greatly to my acne outbreaks. And these compounds can come from the typical city pollution or food. The first is almost unavoidable. As for food, I can avoid eating them because they can be anything that is deep fried, grilled or cooked in high-heat.

I suppose I can always go back to a pescatarian diet but my experience with that is I will always be hungry within two hours after a meal. After a big bowl of salad, I will feel full. But one or two hours later, I will have this growling stomach. And I know it’s pure hunger because when I drink water, I can feel its coldness and pressure when it struck the bottom of my stomach. I honestly don’t know how those vegans can go full day without any issues. And if I eat every two hours, I look like a bloody glutton.

I will be clear. Despite what almost everyone claims, fibre don’t make me full or feel satiated. After all, that’s what you primarily and other vitamins and minerals will get from a pescatarian diet. In fact in my case, my stomach will be like doing quick dump of its content within that two hour or so. Then it will start eating itself with acid. I know because I have lived through it the last five or so years. Again, I end up having two eat every two three hours, making me look like a glutton.

And worse, my weight will only increase through that way of eating. So I’m not going that route.

The only way I feel full is protein-heavy with moderate amount of fats and carbs. By protein, I am referring to animal-based like pork. And by carbs, I don’t mean from bread or noodles. It has to come from rice. And oh, in Singapore, you can get this kind of food very easily. Chicken rice, roasted pork rice, etc. In fact, you can always find at least one store selling that in any of the food court, hawker centers or traditional coffee shops in Singapore.

Yes, I do eat that. Almost always. But that’s where the problem start. Carcinogens… Roasted pork. Barbecue pork. Roasted chicken. The list goes on. And typically, I take 1.5 servings per meal. Once I do that, I can go through the whole afternoon or night without feeling hungry once. Hell, I can even go through the whole day without feeling hungry if I take about 1.8 servings or 2 servings of those. I will typically feel alive.

So I’m stuck.

I still hadn’t figure out what I can eat so that I can feel both full and alive without suffering from hives and acne outbreak.

Maybe I could go with boiled meat but then the thought of it…eek…tasteless and disgusting…

Oh, I tried taking meat that is part of a soup. Especially at home. My mom will prepare soup with lean meat inside. I especially hated it. The meat is bland and tough to chew. I only eat it when the main dishes don’t have any meat or when I feel like chewing meat. Well, chewing meat for me is actually therapeutic.

I guess I will continue to try and figure out…

And no, I refuse to take anti-histamine because of its side effect. I was on it for five years previously. It made me stupid by blocking my intuitive abilities. Took my body, especially my brain, one year of not taking it to recover.