You are your own limiter

Unlike animals, humans can do a great deal of things. We have achieved far more than any living creatures on this planet. We have built civilisations and organised ourselves that no other animals do, constructed living spaces using materials we fashioned from nature. And we have even built virtual worlds and communicate over vast distances using electricity by manipulating how they move.

Yet, we are all flawed in different ways. Most of our decisions are muddied by our emotions and how we see the world. Because of that, we have people who are over-achievers at one end and people who can’t even take care of themselves even when they are in adulthood at the other end. And that’s excluding people with disabilities. Hell, even some disabled people can achieve way more than able-bodied people.

Our emotions and feelings affect our behaviours and how we interact with the world. So if you lived a life full of emotional scars and setbacks, you can either be very fearful of what life has got to offer or you become very apathetic and cynical.

In my case, I grew up in a risk-averse environment with one dominant parent who is highly-neurotic and a pessimist. You have to listen to all the negative things. And then when you go to school, you have to face teachers who, instead of encouraging you, actually speak negatively of you in front of everybody. Making matter worse, your relatives also chimed in from time to time when you do see them. So you see, when you experience such things when you are between 5 to 14, it’s very easy for you to believe the following phrases to be true: ‘you are good for nothing’,’Can’t amount to much’ or ‘he’s so stupid’.

And in fact, it’s so ingrained in me that I even tell myself those words from time to time when I do face setbacks. Even today, after having audit myself and try to take back control of my thought processes. It’s actually very difficult for me to tell myself the opposite even when I do catch myself doing it. So self-esteem is really low. Self-confidence is also lacking. And being in the workforce isn’t helping at all due to the rapidly changing situations and you have a higher rate of failure than you face in school.

You know what’s the scary thing?

You just automatically learn that it’s best to do the safe thing. Be low profile. Do what you are told. You just watch yourself do those because your psyche is too weak to take any more blows. End up, you are limiting yourself and the opportunities you can have to live a better life.

And I can tell you there are times when I’m just scared shitless for no good reason during the first few days of my job hunt. The “Apply” and “Upload Resume” buttons feel like they are out to get you. A big part stemmed from my beliefs that I can’t do those stuffs mentioned in the job descriptions. I almost wanted to resign myself to do work in a company that it’s obviously a wrong fit for me. Well, I could and can feel it in my bones. But the moment I got started hitting the first “Apply” button, the fear just disappear. It’s now boil down to whether I want to work for that company before hitting the button.

This is something I need to remind myself every time. There’s no one stopping me from doing anything I want. Only I can stop me from doing anything I want. So if I want to join some of the biggest names in tech, I can. I just have to find a way to convince the hiring managers I’m a good fit.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.