By the typical metrics used to define how successful a writer is, I probably failed miserably.
Do you know that of all the posts I have put up on Medium, 50% of them have fewer than 5 views? And even lesser amount of posts received any claps.
Seeing those stats is definitely depressing. It led me to question myself about the ROI of posting anything there from time to time.
But you see, posting there doesn’t take up a lot of my time. Only certain writings are placed there and those are the same ones that I have already put up here on WordPress. And for one, daily logs don’t go there because it just isn’t the right platform. At least from how I see it.
There are two purposes for me to post there.
The first is to understanding what the market wants. Or at least attempt to understand. To me, Medium is like the platform for “professional” writers and WordPress is like a playground. But that’s just my perspective. I’m sure there are other people who made use of WordPress for professional writings.
The second is to expose myself out there to make myself known.
Yet, the funny thing is, I don’t put my daily log there. With Daily Log, I can pretty much swarm the platform with at least one post every two days. But I’m just not comfortable with that idea considering how much I complain in my logs.
Earlier today, I shared with my friend that some of the older content I posted on Medium suddenly had claps and views. And I mentioned something about patience being the key. I told her my writing is to share my story.
She mentioned that since I’m not a commercial writer, then it’s all about the pleasure of writing. And then I will have to wait for the story or the rant to resonate with someone.
However, I also mentioned that I don’t feel like I deserve the title of “writer” since I’m not commercialized. I don’t make money out of my writing. Even my fictional stories aren’t published anywhere else but here. I’m not even part of any publication.
So the conclusion I got was, your job title is something that you make money out of. Whatever label you give yourself is invalid if it doesn’t make money. It’s basically the exchange of money with skills. With that in mind, don’t call me a writer. No one pays me for my content. I still need to have a day job that make me write lines after lines of code, firefight, argue with colleagues and go for meeting to pay my bills.
And it’s depressing to even think about it that way. It’s probably one of the reasons why I came down with depression on Sunday. Having gone through it enough times, I know the symptoms. It’s almost like clockwork. And you know what? Just this year alone, I have had three depressive episodes. Three! But it’s crippling in a way. It prevent me from doing any work.
Thus, I had to go see a doctor. Then I told the doctor I’m depressed and sick of everything. He asked if I’m going to do anything stupid. I told him no. I can manage it. Just that I didn’t want to go to work. Deep down, I wanted a change in my routines. A change in my life.
He gave me two medical certificates to indicate I am unwell to work for two days. Also gave me an anti-anxiety medication that’s also a sedative and some painkillers for the aches and chills I have been feeling.
But I seriously need to re-evaluate if the company I work at is really suitable for me and ignore the opinions of others.
Ok… writing this gave me some relief and make me feel better but doesn’t change the fact I’m very tired, physically lazy but can’t really sleep well. So I will probably take the meds and go to sleep.